In The Night

I can’t sleep so I had a thought. 

It’s nothing important, but it’s something I’ve wondered. 

For those of you new to the party (and maybe need to be brought up to speed), all of my blog posts are titled with the title of the song I’m listening to at the time. Sometimes they make perfect sense. Sometimes they don’t, not even a little bit. Either way, the format isn’t changing. Sometimes, there’s a song that makes me think of a specific idea or person, but those generally have a password (more on that here). Often I heard something and it stuck out, as nothing speaks to me more than music. If I’ve ever told you (or tweeted) that a particular song was everything, chances are it had a deep meaning to me at the time. 

But I’ve often wondered if anyone actually looks up the song titles & listens to them.  I don’t imagine anyone does. But I’ve wondered if anyone does.  Or if they pick the right song. Like, if I title something In My Head, I mean 12 Stones, not Jason Derulo. Superman is Rachel Platten, not Eminem. And literally everything involves the Lumineers. And if anyone looks them up, would they think they could understand what I’m thinking because of a song? Isn’t that a hilarious thought. 

Maybe I’m vain. Or maybe it’s because it’s something I would do if I knew anyone who titled something after song titles. Maybe I would discover something new. A new artist, a new song. Maybe a song by the Lumineers I hadn’t found yet.  But maybe I’m the only person that takes my music that seriously. Oh well. 

  

Make You Smile

Sometimes I realize how ill equipped I am to handle stress in this province of cows. 

For the last two months, all of the things I came to use to overcome stress weren’t there. You can’t sit amongst nature when it’s nuclear winter. You can’t go to the gym & lift heavy when you can’t support your weight on one leg. I felt under a microscope at work. My identity was that I was someone else’s. I sometimes felt like I worked, raised the girls & slept. I want to do so much more than work, pay bills & sleep. I want to be a role model to my girls. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a capable partner who stands on her own two feet, and that my person can see that I want a life of my own, in charge of my own life, not just to be theirs, as that’s never what I want. I want to be physically & mentally strong. Without my normal stress relievers, I felt like I was burning out. 

  
So, I talked to my friend Gleason, who reminded me of how good meditation can feel. I remember it for awhile, and then forget. Thanks to Sarah, I’ve discovered some great new music (Elle King!). And I even bought one of those adult colouring books. I laughed at them, but they do a lot to relieve stress. And of course, writing. Lately, I’ve worried about people reading too much into my blogging. I write whatever I’m thinking in the hopes to give myself clarity, not necessarily “this is what I want right now.” I just know I struggle with asserting myself, and with anything deep, so I write to avoid over thinking and self sabotage. But maybe I need to stop baring my soul so much. Maybe I need to be more guarded about my feelings. Maybe I need to stop assuming that people care when I open up & get personal with them. 

Maybe I need to stop talking about that. 

 

I am WAY too invested in Harry Potter.

In the end, I need to focus on dealing with my own stress levels & get through it on my own, for me. I chose to move away from my support system. I can’t rely on them. I need to remember who I am. I am a bad ass. Tomorrow is my first trip back to the gym after two months. It’ll be intimidating, and exciting. I got a chance to enjoy nature for the first time in forever. It was so nice to just have me, my music & fresh air. And if I get stressed at home, I’ll colour. I’ll work at work & continue to do well. All good things. And once again, I’ll feel like I’m kicking ass & taking names & setting a good example for the little ones that look up to me, which is what I want most in life.  I love them & I want to set a better example for them. I want to grow because I love myself & want to evolve for me. For the first time in awhile, I’m focusing on my own needs so I can be a better woman. Sometimes I give so much to my girls & the people I love & my mom & my brother that I forget about me. I need to remember to nuture myself. 

  
Part of adapting to a new life is learning that I can’t do things the old ways all of the time. I can’t always get around trees or lift heavy things. I may not always have friends to talk to. I’ve got to adapt. So, I’ve been learning to adapt & find ways to be a better mom, writer, friend, partner, and woman. Because that’s what life should be about; getting better, learning to be better, and treating people better. That’s all I want for myself; to set a better example & love better. 

  

Let’s Get Lost

This has been a great week. 

I met my company’s Vice President & he was very impressed with my abilities, my performance. My District Manager told me that my warm, bubbly personality was a hit with customers. That she got rave reviews from my manager before she left. I was a huge asset to the company. I was so proud. I work really hard & it was nice to know that my company sees that. I love my job. I like my electronics team. I’m proud of how hard I work. It means a lot to me that they are impressed by my performance. 

The fox says buy phones from me

I also went to my follow up appointment and aside from some swelling in my kidney, the inflammation in my hips has gone down & the infections are cleared. All of that resting & medication that made me anxious & nauseous finally worked! I’ve also received the formal go ahead to return to crossfit, as long as I start slow! I’m so excited about this. Crossfit is a huge part of my life, so not having it has been brutal. Getting back into the Crossfit community is going to be awesome. I’m excited. When I got the call on Wednesday about needing to go in for an ultrasound (after having had Xrays) & more tests, I left work early in tears. I’ve been so afraid of what might happen that I cried at work. It was pathetic. But I’m a single mom; sick time is not a thing. I was afraid for my budget, my income, would my company understand? But now that I’m finally recovering, I can focus on health & happy. I won a massage gift card at work, so I’ll be doing that next week too. I feel like I’ve earned a me day. 

My mom is getting her ID (I’m paying for it) and she’s getting ready to move out. I’m a little scared about money, but I’ll figure it out. We won’t starve. Maybe luxury items will be fewer, but we won’t starve. I’m sure I can afford this house on my own. If not, I’ll downsize in the summer. But I’m excited to have a positive home once more.

And finally, my cousin George sent me the first pic of my dad that I’ve had since he died. It means a lot to me that I can have this in my home. My dad was so special to me, so I can finally show my daughters who he was, as well as talk about who he was. 

 

My handsome hero, my Daddy
 
It’s funny how last week I was worried about my health & scared & this week I’m getting praised by my employer & getting good news about my health. That’s the joy about dark times. They’re temporary. In the end, there is only good. It’ll be nice to get back into that routine, doing things I like, that make me a better person. 

I always strive to be a better person. I want to treat people better. Love more.  Work harder. Be nicer. Do good for others. I don’t ever want to not be that person. Sometimes, I need someone to be that person for me, & I’m so lucky that my three best friends are always there for me when the chips are down, even 2000 miles away & I love them.  Thanks for being rad. 

 

Aren’t my friends adorbs?
 
The important thing is that tough weeks don’t last, tough people do. And I’m pretty tough (except for my left kidney. It’s still pretty vulrenable). So, I’ll keep working hard and making the bosses proud. I’ll keep working to stay healthy. And I’ll keep thinking everyone has it in them to be a good person & that life is always beautiful. 

   

Rule The World

January sucked. 

That’s all. Just sucked. Everyone I love had things to deal with. My life sort of fell apart & I don’t even know what’s happening with any of it. But I refuse to be made to feel like I cannot do the things that made me happy, so I’m gonna write about stuff that helps me smile & screw everything else. 

Since I was little I’ve never handled anger well. I simper & cry & beg them to talk to me & I beg them to forgive me & I’m always the only one trying. Ew. First of all, I’m a legit bad ass. I may run out of bad ass, but there is always more. I’m the most beautiful, witty, funny, articulate, and patient person I know. Those who know me should feel blessed to have my love & friendship. I am a prize, not some snivelling wimp. Nope. But yet, I keep falling back into old patterns when people get mad at me, because I value people more than ego. But I need to be the woman I am; strong, bright, beautiful, I need to get mad. I need to know I can stand up for myself. I love who I am. I fought to become her. And those who say they love me love her. But I need to know that I can be myself & stand up for myself & be heard. I’m also not afraid to own my mistakes. If I fucked up, I’ll own it. Right now, I need to value my ego. And I need to focus on my health & well being. I matter. I matter a great deal. And I deserve to feel like I matter, even if it’s just to myself. So, I’ve decided that my life matters to me & I am going to start making it better. 

The physical aspect is hard. I have to trust doctors. I have to wait. I can’t exercise. I have to stay in bed on my days off. This makes parenting a little challenging. But we are getting it done because I’m a bad ass. 

  
The next was mental. I’m reclaiming control of my life. I’ve let too many people control it & I’m tired of walking on eggshells to please them. That’s not who I am. I need to be myself. I need to be able to get angry. I need to be able to assert myself & have that assertion respected. I need to be able to resolve conflict. So, I started resolving the number one conflict in my life. 

My mom has been the major source of my stress. She’s negative, doesn’t like it here & her relationship with the girls is becoming emotionally abusive. My friends keep telling me how grumpy she is all of the time & the last straw was when she made my 8yo cry in front of her friends by saying she didn’t care of her beloved cat died. My mom wasn’t a loving mom to me as a kid, I ended up in a foster home for a reason. That reason is why I pick myself up when I’m sick to go to work. Why I cry at 3am. My daughters will know their mother’s strength, not her weaknesses. And I will not allow them to grow up around poison. So I told her when my lease was up, she was moving out & I would stand on my own. My daughters will grow up surrounded by joy alone. And I won’t let them feel hurt or slighted. Her negativity left me with a feeling of having no control in my life. I want to be in control of my home. So I took it back. 

The next was I called about counselling. Clearly being here alone with only a handful of close companions has taken its toll on me. I felt like I was relying on my few friends to be my support system. I don’t want that. I want to be in control of my own happiness & I am. I saw a dog with a puffy tail. I’m so happy because I saw that puffy tailed dog. When I get back to the gym, I’ll set PR’s. But until then, I need an outlet to focus on retaining my independence. So I started counselling again. I don’t feel badly. I’m not ashamed. I want to be the kind of person I can be proud of. When you struggle, you ask for help or you destroy everyone & everything you love. I love my family. I want to be better for them. So, I’m going to retool myself to be better for them. 

I will not be controlled, by my mom, by life, by anything. So, whenever I feel like someone or something is trying to control me, I will stand up & take steps to become stronger, more bad ass & the people who truly love me will love me for it, like my daughters, who get a better example to look up to. 

  

Big & Loud

This has not been my week. I’ve been sick. I’ve had xrays. It’s actually super shitty. But I will figure this out in a few days & all will be well. 

But I refuse to let dark times cloud my awesome life. My life is the raddest. I’ve lost six pounds this month. My gym dues are paid & I can train. My kids got rad report cards. Oh, and I got some much needed time with some friends this week. It was just what I needed. 

  
But enough about my life. Let’s talk about mindless drivel. Today’s mindless drivel is why the WWE Divas Division continues to piss me off. 

It has not been since 2014 that WWE has had a true babyface Diva in Brie Bella. Brie was beloved by fans, as they hoped she would defeat the evil Stephanie McMahon & avenge her husband Daniel Bryan & sister Nikki (she didn’t. She was defeated & aligned with Nikki to reign as bad girls in Team Bella & now is used to elevate the NXT Divas). 

  
Since then, all of the dominant women have been stereotypes. Bad girl Nikki Bella. Jealous geeky girl AJ Lee. Manipulative Paige. Daddy’s spoiled brat Charlotte Flair. All until the unexpected rise in popularity of Becky Lynch. 

  
Becky Lynch has gone through many phases since her debut, but the core of her main roster character has remained the same; she wants to be a champion of integrity. Someone little girls can look up to. She wants to win the right way. All three of my daughters watched the Royal Rumble with baited breath, to see if Becky would overtake Charlotte Flair & become the Divas Champion. 

She didn’t. 

Instead, Charlotte’s father forced himself on her, she was pinned in dirty fashion, tossed out of the ring like trash by villainess Sasha Banks & left to sob alone. 

  
As a mom & a feminist, I find it horrifying that male “advocates for women’s wrestling” like Jim Ross & Mick Foley are more concerned about whether or not the word Diva is problematic than the actual treatment of the women. An old man forcing himself on a woman is a humourous plot point in 2016. Every woman except Becky Lynch is a stereotype, from mean girl to cat lady. They are booked as catty, jealous bimbos who are self serving & petty. Even my 14 year old daughter, who wanted to be a Diva, no longer wants that. She feels like she would have to become a character that her sisters couldn’t be proud of, or end up humiliated like Becky Lynch. 

  

WWE has an obligation to their female fans to give them a hero. I’m not necessarily about kids role modelling from TV people, my kids look up to me, my strength, tenacity, my work ethic. But little girls deserve to see the heroine win in the story. Celeste Bonin’s Kaitlyn was humiliated by man eating villainess AJ Lee. Brie Bella was felled by her evil twin and then joined her. Paige fought the good fight, but turned bitter. WWE finally has a chance to give little girls a chance for their hero to win, like John Cena or Roman Reigns for boys, as Becky is still fighting the good fight against two evil stereotypes. As the biggest event of the year, Wrestlemania approaches, I hope WWE finally shows that nice girls can finish first, and the big moment can go to the character who wants to show that you can become champion & keep your soul; Becky Lynch. 

  

Begin Again From The Beginning

For the last five years, I have revelled living on my own. I like that my space is my own; I decorate, I’m responsible for it, it’s MINE. But I have to admit that lately, I don’t like living alone. 

I chose my house without viewing it. I keep telling myself that it’s just one year & in the summer, I’ll find a place in a better neighbourhood. My commute home has been dangerous sometimes, with me texting friends expressing fear that I was going to get hurt. Then, my teen daughter ran an errand for me (a friend was supposed to go with her) & she was nearly robbed.  After we filed the police reports & I asked my friends how to break my lease to find a safer home, my daughter expressed how much she wished we didn’t live alone, because we’d be safer if my boyfriend were here full time. And I won’t lie; there are nights I get home from work & wish he was there because I would feel safer if he were. 

  
I kind of feel like I failed as a parent. Parents protect their kids. My child was in danger & I indirectly put her there by asking her to run an errand. Yes, she did the right things. She called the police. She ran. She screamed for help. Most of her anguish stemmed from the passer by’s ignoring her pleas for help. She didn’t lose anything of value, but she’s lost a little bit of that innocence. Suddenly, she’s felt like every other woman has felt at some point. The police asked her why she didn’t give the muggers her phone, did she call attention to her device? She was being forced to apologize for being victimized. She was forced to learn the reality that women are often forced to explain why they didn’t deserve to be victimized more than why the bad people shouldn’t be attacking people. There was her loss of security. My daughter started looking up dogs on kijiji, big ones (we found this one. We have the perfect name for it!). Despite my firm belief in gun control, I suddenly wanted a gun. Or a husband. Or all three. I just don’t feel safe in my neighbourhood anymore. I don’t feel like my kids are safe & for the first time in five years, I worry if a single mom living alone with three young girls & a cat is a target for stranger danger. I fully intend to move when my lease is up, maybe sublet this place in the interim, but right now, I worry about us going out at night. 

*Mama Bear is also in full “let me find these people & cut a bitch” mode, but that’s not constructive & I’ll let the police handle it*

  
I guess I just hate that my kid had to discover that the world can be a scary place for a woman at the young age of 14. I hate that the police asked if her dad was home, so she & her mom wouldn’t have to be alone in the house, as ladies shouldn’t be left alone. But mostly, I wish neither of us felt like we wanted a man to be here to protect us, but we both do. I have never wanted my boyfriend to be here at night than I do right now, because somehow, the physical nearness of him would make this alright (she insisted on calling him tonight, as he would make this okay somehow). 

But instead, tomorrow we will learn the importance of reclaiming control. She is not a victim; she is a bad ass. And she will not hide in her house afraid that someone will hurt her. We will do the shopping. We will live our lives. She will not let anyone who does her harm have power over her & direct her life with fear. Obviously, we have a plan about her going out at night (which is rare), but we’ll need to be more mindful. Her faith in humanity has taken a hit, but hopefully, in time, it’ll be restored. Sadly, every woman has that moment when they realize the world isn’t as safe as they’d hoped it was. She will bounce back. 

In the interim, both of us (sadly) feel like damsels in distress, wishing we had someone here to protect us tonight. 

  

 

My Reply

Sometimes I read stuff & get cranky & pull a Peter Griffin & play “What Really Grinds My Gears.”

  
Today’s edition: why women are catty bitches & I’m so over it. 

Last night, I watched the Golden Globes because I have worked as an entertainment reporter for many years & I like pretty dresses God dammit. I could comment on the show, Ricky Gervais, but instead, I’ll address why women are catty bitches & why it drives me nuts. 

Actor (& super hunk if you ask all of my friends) Jason Statham & his girlfriend of five years, Rosie Huntington-Whitely announced their engagement at the event last night, with full attention on Ms. Huntington-Whitely’s sparkly new bauble. As always, the comments on this story included why Statham, 48, shouldn’t be dating Huntington-Whitely, 28, because the age difference is gross & of course, why the ring was too small, ugly, etc. I’m sure Ms. Huntington-Whitely cares so much that random women online hate her ring, but it was sad to see few positive well wishes, just women taking shots on another woman. Similar things happened when photos of Blake Lively’s engagement & wedding ring hit the Internet, only that ring was too big, gaudy & why was it pink?! Kevin Costner was forced to address the price tag of the ring he chose for his wife Christine Baumgartner (Joan Rivers famously made Baumgartner cry by mocking her ring, prompting her husband to purchase her a much larger one). But why does it matter to the masses? Unless Ryan Reynolds or Jason Statham is buying you an engagement ring, it doesn’t matter. Those rings are gifts from them to their wives, maybe we should back off. Even on FB, I see people snarking at women about the size of their wedding rings, their homes, their Pinterest crafts. No building each other up, just a sick game of one up-manship. Why? I know when the time comes, I wouldn’t care what my boyfriend bought me, or if it met my “dream ring” criteria (if I really had that. I’m so indifferent hahaha). If he picked it out for me, it could be a garbage tie & to me, it would be the most beautiful thing on the planet because he bought it for me & wanted to marry me & much like thee women, I wouldn’t even notice the cattiness. 

 

We live in a society where wage inequality is still a thing, women’s rights are being marginalized in my neighbour’s land, Planned Parenthood is under attack. Women are still being forced to choose between career & family & told to “keep their legs closed” to prevent sexual assault or unwanted pregnancy. Girls are sent home because their clothing might distract boys, we blame women for their own sexual assaults & child support gets clawed back, leaving women in a cycle of poverty. Meanwhile, instead of taking up for one another, we are belittling each other for things that don’t matter & superficial bullshit that means nothing at the end of the day so women can feel like they’ve “topped” each other. Women are even attacking each other for such things as feeding their babies, as Alyssa Milano learned when talk show host Wendy Williams (who made headlines when she claimed actress Jennifer Lawrence deserved to have her privacy violated and her private nude photos leaked online last year) told her that breastfeeding should not be done in public, as breasts are meant for sexual enjoyment. Ms. Milano shut her down, by why are women constantly defending their basic rights or things that should bring them joy…to other women?

Even when women are successful, we tear them down. Look at the comments about Taylor Swift representing the wrong type of feminist because of her friends. They build each other up, celebrate their uniqueness. So, we cattily tear them apart for being friends because they’re too pretty, they’re models, etc. Okay. 

 I don’t compete with other women. I teach my daughters that we don’t compete with other women. I compete with myself to be a better woman. When I see women belittling other women, I often wonder why they are so insecure that they can’t celebrate the achievements of other women. Women wonder why we’re still fighting the same battles, it’s because of us. We’re attacking each other! Either because we’re the wrong type of feminist, or because they fed their kid or they may possibly have something you don’t. If women spent half as much time building each other up as you did questioning if they understood what feminism means to you or snarking about looks, fashion, etc. women’s rights wouldn’t be something we were still fighting for. 

  
I’m sorry for the rant, but I guess I’m sick of seeing women have their joy trampled by catty women, women who should be supporting other women, famous or not. Perhaps if you can’t be nice, maybe you should just be quiet. 

  

Purpose

I once had a good friend who was very selfish. When I got divorced, she told me how it took the thunder from her wedding & gave her a bad omen for her marriage. When I was depressed, she cut me out of her life because she claimed her marriage fell apart because she was there for me too much & it was my fault. When I was dating someone, she would become jealous, spiteful, obsessed with my boyfriend & nothing I did was “being a good friend,” even though I had been paying her cable bill at one point & would be her support system during her darkest times. I often find myself wanting to reach out to our other companion, who was a great friend to me in dark times until he realized he had been enabling me & I needed to make a go of life on my own. I miss the friendship, but I’m not willing to be put in a position where I’m solely responsible for the downfall of the friendship. Two people need to apologize for what they did to damage the friendship. But the other, I do not miss at all. Obviously we were friends during toxic periods in our lives & I do not wish to return to that, so I left her behind a long time ago. This doesn’t mean there is ill will; quite the opposite. I hope she’s found herself, joy, and has become the woman she was always destined to be. I hope she’s met her soul mate, I hope she has great friends, her dog is healthy & she’s happy. I hope if we ever bump into each other, she tells me how awesome her life is. I hope the same for our other friend. I hope they’re both in great places in their lives; mentally, physically, etc. 

I have a point, I promise. 

One thing I learned from this woman was how not to be a friend.  When someone is down, I want to build them up. I want to help them, support them, and not make it about me, because it isn’t. Sometimes, you’ve gotta be selfless. I may not be the perfect friend, but I’m trying. 

However, one other thing I learned from this friend is that self introspection during hard times is okay. When people are going through dark times, it’s okay to be there for someone & also look at your own life & go “hey, this sounds like me/I’m so grateful for what I have.” Her way of doing it may have been wrong, but she wasn’t wrong to do it. 

Lately, one of my closest Cow Province friends is struggling with personal issues. I’m not going to divulge them because it’s not my story, that’s hers. But I’m always impressed at how she handles these situations with class and dignity, so much better than a lot of us. She continues to carry herself as one ofthe strongest, bravest, most bad ass women that I know & she’s raising two great boys to be fine young men. My girls are lucky to have them as friends & I’m lucky to have her as a friend…as is Peachy, my cat.  

 

I was often resentful when my old friend would worry about her union because mine failed, or when my relationship ended, how would it affect her marriage, but now I realize that’s actually normal. So, after my good friend & I have drinks, and I’m again impressed by her ability to remain positive during such a hard time, I always find myself grateful for my current situation…& then feel badly & kind of selfish, like it’s not fair that my awesome friend is unhappy & everyone else should be unhappy too. (I also half consider texting my partner & thanking him for being who he is, because he’s a kind, generous & loving soul who would never do anything to hurt me or my girls, or make us feel small. He’s such a good, hardworking & devoted man, who will go to any lengths to give his child a good life & make me happy). But now I understand that being a bad friend is making everything about you while they’re struggling. Being human is trying to be a support person, but also looking at a situation and reflecting on your own to see if you can improve upon it without being a douche. 

  
Even negative friendships help us learn to become better people. I’m grateful that I got to learn how to be a better friend thanks to that friendship, as well as that’s it’s okay to look internally sometimes. These are great lessons & I’m thankful that she taught me them. The joy of friendship it’s that it’s always a work in progress & we’ll always learn more about ourselves from our tribe, which we can then teach others & learn to be better people for others until we all become our best selves. 

  

Playing with Fire

I’m about to become an old geezer & I’m totally cool with that. 

I had a talk with my best friend Melissa about social media & Xmas. I post a photo of my tree & the girls opening their gifts so their family out of town can see them. But the dollar value of their treasures is always kept mum. Why? Because I have a good job. I have been blessed with the ability to provide for my kids. That doesn’t mean everyone has that & I don’t want people to feel badly or inadequate. Kids don’t care, but Christmas is about the spirit of giving & love, not a pissing contest to see who spent the most. It’s actually the reason that I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day, as it’s the same thing (I will be this year, as I have a man who treats me like it’s Valentine’s Day all year, and he promised we’d go see Deadpool).  

My best friend was frustrated because you can feel the economy gap when parents post photos of all the goodies. “They all got a laptop!” Even Kourtney Kardashian got into it, posting her kids’ Xmas haul. What about “my kid was sooooooo happy?” No, it’s about what a great mom you are for buying all of the stuff? Okay. 

This drives me as nuts as those videos of the kids who freak out when they didn’t get the toy that they wanted, or worse, those horrible parents who put a gag gift in a box for something the child coveted to “teach them a lesson.” My heart broke when I saw a FB friend laughing at a viral video of a child being given a brick in a PS4 box, the child quietly sobbing while mom & dad laughed. Why would you use a holiday meant for family to hurt your child? If you don’t want to buy a console, just don’t! Buy a smaller, thoughtful gift. Don’t crush them for laughs. 

As for the other kids, don’t put the video on YouTube, like the kid who berated his mother for buying him WWE 2K15, not 2K16. Apparently the game developer has reached out to the little shit to help him get his game. Personally, this kid needs discipline. Kids aren’t born as entitled little shits. They learn that from asshole parents. I felt for the mom as she defeatedly told her little shit that the game was out of stock, but then I remembered that she probably berates the retail employees (something my teen daughter learned NOT to do when I made her apologize to the Disney Store employee when she got lippy because the doll she had hoped to buy her stepsister for Xmas was out of stock), or she indulged him too much, which helped him learn how to be an entitled little shit. 

I’m not a perfect mom, far from it. But I hope I’m teaching my girls humility & kindness and to be grateful when people do something nice for you. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see my two youngest marking out with joy over their Brie & Nikki Bella Pop Vinyls. Everything they asked for this year was small, and my oldest daughter offered to tell her sisters that she was on Santa’s naughty list as the one pair of shoes that she wanted were pricier than the younger two’s two wish list items. But I was proud of them for wanting to give, not get. Sometimes they lose the plot, but that’s where parenting comes in. Parents who play mean pranks on their kids are bad parents, because they want the attention on them, not their adorable lil ones. Kids who are ungrateful shits get that way because parents turn a day for family into an annual can you top this. 

Perhaps next year we can focus on what Christmas should be; a celebration of love & family. Focus on the joy you brought the kids, not the dollar amount of the gifts. Stop glorifying poor behaviour by laughing at entitled children screaming that they didn’t get an iPhone or a PS4. And stop playing mean jokes on your kids. Let the day be about love. 

I’ll stop being an old fart now. 

Lost In Translation

It’s that time again, where we all celebrate the holidays & look back on our year! 

2015 started out super crappy. I rang it in bawling my eyes out because I missed someone who reappeared in my life & vanished again. I quit blogging to heal. Then I lost my job & found out on Facebook. But then it got better. I focused on friends & crossfit. I went on an insane adventure in the pursuit of my dreams of becoming a writer & started freelancing again. I thought I’d be alone when I got here but instead I found the love of my life, well, he found me, I’d hate to take away from his achievement haha. I worked to be a kinder person. All in all a rad year & I am proud to say that I did it all on my terms, my way. As always, here  is a photo essay (minus photos of my children) that sum up a year of my life.

 

Alcoholic hotel hallway yoga?
 
  
 
Superbowl, MHC style
 
  
 
My first crossfit competition!
  

  
 

 
  
  
  
  
 

My friend Bookstore Kitty

 
Queen Taylor Swift!
  

All hail King Rollins
 
 
Small Pet, the best birthday gift ever
 

 

         

     

    

  

   

 Happy Holidays & all the best for 2016 from me to you. I hope it’s the raddest year yet.